Handling Criticism

Science requires a critical examination of facts and assumptions. My faith leads me to principles of change, repentance, forgiveness, and continual improvement. When another person applies the principles of critical analysis to me as a person, however, it can be hard to embrace personal criticism while incorporating forgiveness, patience, and change. I'm OK considering ideas that challenge my  understanding of human physiology and microbiology or a concept that reinvents the fundamental building blocks of the universe. But it can be tough to swallow the bitter pill of a close associate criticizing me.

As emotional beings, we have lots of thoughts that go through our head following criticism—defensive, rationalizing, sorrowful, humorous, angry, prideful, self-loathing. I've found I have to accept and recognize the feelings. However, I also have to find a rational way to separate truth, error, and emotion.

Several years ago, following an acute criticism that was festering in my head, I came up with a flow chart to sort through the nuances of the criticism. I've modified that flow chart recently, and I share the results below. Click this link for a zoomable image.

As an example, if my child said "I hate this dinner. You never make good food!" I would say Yes to understanding the criticism. I would say No to them offering appropriate criticism, and Yes to taking a responsibility for my critics actions. We would have an accountability discussion about being respectful to a parent. If I agreed that I made a bad dinner (burnt it...), I would then decide if I could fix the problem. Perhaps we'd be headed out to McDonalds, no hard feelings.

You can run several scenarios through this flowchart. I can't guarantee it will cover every situation perfectly, but it gives you a chance to break away from the emotion of the moment and stop obsessing over the problem. Often a criticism has many layers bundled underneath and this type of thinking can help you work through the criticism without just blaming yourself or getting angry with the other person.

Try it out!